did you get engaged???
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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