You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
