i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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