the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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