Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
