i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
