you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
