I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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