I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
