how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm passing your future prison.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
