Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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