i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
