i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
