I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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