hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
