When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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