does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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