Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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