uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
