splinters make it hard to masturbate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
