i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize