he shaved USA in his pubs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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