There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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