it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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