ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
