mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
