how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
