he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
