He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The power of my boobs compel you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
