My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
