I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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