I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
