can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
false alarm, still single
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
