you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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