Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
