I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
