where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
