her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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