Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize