I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize