Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize