Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
