He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish you could order shots online.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
