Kiss
Puke
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
