Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
