Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
