You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
