New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
