at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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