I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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