He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize