guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
