Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I just sharted jello shots
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