Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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