We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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