he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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