Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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