Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
