First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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