We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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