So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
