Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
