when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize