I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
