Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
