Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
