she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
