well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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