they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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