I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
